


By your side

by angst_maniac



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Anxiety, Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Protective Kozume Kenma, Protective Kuroo Tetsurou, Social Anxiety, Soft Kozume Kenma, Soft Kuroo Tetsurou, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, YouTube, YouTuber Kozume Kenma, badass kuroo tetsurou, happy birthday kuroo, may change the title in the future, wrote this in a hurry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:55:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27596498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angst_maniac/pseuds/angst_maniac
Summary: 5 times Kuroo loves Kenma silently and 1 time Kenma loves him loudly.orjust Kuroo being soft protective and supportive and then Kenma returning the favour.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 12
Kudos: 333
Collections: Finished (peachbunny22), My favorite haikyuu fics





	By your side

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Kuroo's birthday and Kenma's (late) birthday.  
> I wrote this in three days to make it in time while also having another shittone of things to do and it is currently 2am but oh well....
> 
> I'm not sure I'd say i'm proud of this, it's probably a bit rushed and some parts seem very short to me, but it's gonna have to work. 
> 
> kuroo and kenma are two of my favorite charaters and i love their dynamic for a relationship as well, so here we are.  
> i havent read the manga cause where i am they're not really easy to find and they re expensive as hell so dont be too hard on me. 
> 
> I love this season (and all the others) and i'm really excited about the next episode. Kita really did a number on me on the last one...the crying scene was so good i felt it in my soul
> 
> ohh, also i dont even own a yt channer so a lot of the terminiology might be wrong towards the end. If so i apologize in advance and feel free to correct me  
> anywayss that's all

Kuroo can’t remember a time in his life when he didn’t know Kenma. It’s like he had never existed before meeting him, even though his family moved into Kenma’s neighborhood when he was almost six years old.

Them becoming friends had been easy, natural even, in a way the hopelessly romantic part of his mind dares consider fateful some days. They had both been particularly shy and quiet kids and if it weren’t for their parents forming an amicable relationship of their own, chances are they wouldn’t have exchanged words with each other for years, if ever.

But, as things are, they did talk to one another and now it only takes a quick glance to tell they are extremely close. You need to be blind not to notice how much they care. In fact, there have been many instances where Kuroo especially was told he might care a bit too much. 

The first time Kuroo experiences that inexplicable urge to protect Kenma no matter what it took is probably an awakening of sorts.

It happens during Kenma’s last year in middle school. Kuroo had already moved up to high school, so they haven't been able to spend as much time together anymore. Kuroo knows it's hard on Kenma. He doesn’t have any other friends and now Kuroo’s free time is significantly less due to his workload and extracurricular activities. His parents are also rarely ever there. It doesn’t take a lot for a teenage boy to feel lonely. Particularly so when said boy is awfully anxious and insecure. 

Kuroo can feel Kenma trying to push him away, trying to shut him out like everyone else in fear of being left behind by the only person who is still there. After all, you can’t be abandoned if you’re the one running away. Kuroo won’t budge though. He stays through every curt reply and dismissive comment, every terrified question of “why are you still putting up with me?”, every day of absolute radio silence. He stays and he calls or texts Kenma every single day, picks him up whenever he doesn’t have any practice, spends at least half of his weekend with the younger boy.

He stays, because by this point they have already been friends for a whole decade and Kuroo can regrettably recognize the pain in Kenma’s eyes that are begging him not to let go. So Kuroo doesn’t. Kuroo holds on for dear life just in case Kenma allows him back in his.

It's during one of those attempts to maintain their friendship as unscathed as possible that he comes across a scene that still sometimes haunts his dreams. Sure, Kuroo knew that year was hard on Kenma, but before that afternoon, he had never truly known the extent of it.

Practice that day is unexpectedly canceled due to the coach catching the flu, so Kuroo decides on a surprise visit to Kenma’s school so they can walk home together. What he's met with when he reaches the building though, is Kenma on the ground, bloody and bruised and pushed as far back as he can go, so that he is basically curled up against the wall. There are four guys surrounding him, throwing the occasional kick or punch, like Kenma isn’t basically coughing up blood already. 

He looks so small and defenseless where he is lying Kuroo wants to run there, pick him up and hide him from everything that could hurt him in this world. His vision becomes red and blurred and his 16-year-old mind can’t recall ever feeling more hatred and repulse before. He hates himself with everything inside him when he manages to get his shit together and unfreeze.

_How could he not know? How long has this been going on?_

He takes his phone out and starts recording the scene. Standing mere feet away from your best friends while he takes hit after hit is pure torture. Kuroo feels sick to his stomach standing there, simply watching everything unfold. But Kenma _hadn’t told_ him. He had kept this hidden from Kuroo, which means he didn’t want him to find out. Whether it was out of embarrassment or because he didn’t want to worry or bother him or whatever else, Kuroo has no fucking idea, but suddenly the days Kenma isolated himself made so much more sense. bruises take a few days to heal after all.

This can’t be a one-time thing and he’ll be damned if he wastes every single moment of torment Kenma has had to endure to keep this on the low for who knows how long, just because his own selfishness and guilt forced him to play hero. No, this is the time to be smart if things are to be taken care of permanently. 

Fortunately the group of bullies doesn’t keep it up for long, providing him with enough evidence that they’ll definitely get in trouble, but preventing him from throwing caution to the wind and jumping in just to make them fucking stop already (and maybe give them a taste of their own medicine).

His eyes were burning when he forces himself to turn around and go back before Kenma catches sight of him.

That night Kuroo barely gets any sleep. He had sent the e-mail with the video attached and a very detailed report as a witness to the administration of the school the minute he stepped into the house, but the nerves won’t let him rest. _What if the video isn’t good enough? What if the report seems too rushed? What if they cover this up for the reputation of the school or what if they think Kenma planned it and come after him again? What if…what if…what if…_

It's around 5am when sleep decides to finally take pity on him and the next morning on practice he gets hit by half a dozen of volleyballs in the face because he can't keep his eyes open for more than ten seconds, but it is all worth it when Kenma is the one to seek after him that evening, coming over to his house after many long weeks.

Kuroo is finishing up some of his homework with his headphones on when he catches movement from his peripheral vision and turns around to see Kenma sitting down on his bed. He pauses the music and leaves the set on the desk, before getting up and taking a seat next to the blond.

They remain silent for a while, comfortable in each other’s presence. Kuroo waits for Kenma to start when he feels ready.

Kenma looks up to observe him as he talks. Eyes serious and calculating.

“They got expelled. All of them.” He states and Kuroo can’t help the satisfied smile that splits his face involuntarily. Kenma seems to have found what he was looking for in his reaction because his lips twitches the slightest bit upwards and he gazes at Kuroo with warm, grateful eyes.

“Good.” Kenma loweres his head to watch his fiddling hands.

“How?”

“Does it really matter?”

Kenma thinks for a second and then shakes his head. He leans towards Kuroo’s body, who takes the hint and opens his arms around him, so he can bury his face on the taller’s shoulder.

“Thank you, Kuro.” He whispers in earnest after a couple of minutes. Kuroo smiles.

“Anytime.”

That is the day Kuroo realizes protecting Kenma is something he wants to do for the rest of his life. Be there for him and make him feel safe. Remind him that he is not alone, that he doesn’t have to be.

Their relationship isn’t immediately mended after that. Kenma still has a lot of demons in his mind and Kuroo is only a year older than him, still a kid and often at a loss on what to do, how to help. But eventually, they work it out and the year after, when Kenma joins him in high school, they're pretty much inseparable. 

During Kenma’s first year in high school, his parents starts to go on business trips more and more. It almost feels as if they're doing it on purpose, to avoid being around him for as long as possible, but every time they are back, they can’t seem to stop concerning themselves with everything he does and says, so it's hard to believe that it is true.

Kenma isn’t quite sure what he prefers. On the one hand, them being away means he doesn’t have to be anxious inside his own home or be constantly mindful of the expectations and façade he has to keep up in front of them. At the same time though, living on an empty house for such long periods of time takes its toll on an introverted 15-year-old with anxiety and the extremely inadvisable tendency to overthink when left alone.

Kuroo makes up for it most of the time, whenever he can. He comes over and spends hours with him so he won’t feel so suffocatingly lonely. It's touching how much he cares after everything and Kenma appreciates it more than he’d ever admit.

Still, it isn’t quite enough when October 16 comes around and all he gets from both of his parents is a rushed text of ‘Happy birthday Kenma, we love you.’ that, needless to say, doesn’t make him feel loved at all. They’ll probably bring him a video game once they come back, like that will make the fact that they couldn’t even be bothered to call him on his birthday somehow hurt less. It never has before and he doubts it ever will.

He is used to it. It would actually be more surprising if they showed him that they gave a shit for once. So, he wastes no more time pondering on people who don’t care about him and heads straight to the one he knows for a fact does.

Kuroo welcomes him with open arms when he knockes on the door of the house next to his. Literally, he scoops Kenma in his arms and all but crashes his back as he embraces him, practically vibrating with excitement while he wishes him everything he can come up with. Now _that_ feels a lot like love and even though Kenma’s bones proteste, he doesn’t push the taller back until he lets go on his own.

Kuroo had always understood Kenma more than anyone else ever had. It was as odd as it was relieving and Kenma had never felt more thankful for it. Kuroo must have noticed his foul mood, because when they get inside, he leads him right to the kitchen. They bake an apple pie together –which comes out pretty damn good despite the mess they made- and then Kuroo joins him for a few video games before settling on just watching him.

He doesn’t make Kenma talk about it or do some stupid homework or force him to go outside to celebrate or scolds him for staying up playing until 3am. No, Kuroo is patient and thoughtful and he lets Kenma take everything at his own pace, find comfort in the things he likes and never making him feel bad about it. He lets him be himself and when that horrible day is finally over and Kenma doesn’t feel the need to distract himself from reality any more, he lets him curl up against him on the bed, head against his chest and a fist gripping tightly on his shirt to let him know how much this all means to him. How much Kuroo means to him. 

Kuroo only smiles softly over dark brown roots and holds him closer. 

Even though not explicitly said, this is probably one of the most obvious things Kuroo has done for Kenma. And sure it isn’t just for him, it benefits the team as a whole, but building a whole strategy around a single person can hardly be considered discreet.

Kuroo was the one that had introduced Kenma to volleyball. And then he was the one that convinced him to continue playing and made him join a team with him when they were still in elementary school. Gradually it grew on Kenma the same way Kuroo had and by now it has become a part of his life and routine he can’t quite picture not being there.

First year had been rough, with obnoxious upperclassmen who thought they were entitled to do whatever they wanted just because they were born a little earlier. It was unreasonable and Kenma had considered quitting when it reached a point he didn’t think it was worth it any more.

But even then, Kuroo was the one to persuade him to stay, to help him through it and soon the year was over and the captain was changing and suddenly he felt like he belonged in an actual team.

Kenma suspects at least a small part of the new strategy is guilt on Kuroo’s side, for not being able to help him more. Which is ridiculous because Kuroo has already done enough. The biggest part though and the one that makes Kenma’s heart squeeze in warmth and, dare he say pride, is the one that believes in him.

Kuroo always had faith in Kenma’s potential and abilities, he had never tried to hide that fact throughout their whole friendship. But now he is showcasing it, declaring it to the world that Kenma deserves to be there, amongst all these other talented players who see him as their equal and recognize him for his skills and effort instead of judging him for his faults.

Kenma can complain to Kuroo and ask him to stop doing their speech ‘ritual’ as many times as he wants. They both know he doesn’t really mean it. 

Some days, Kenma’s anxiety gets so bad he can’t bring himself to leave his room. He simply cannot deal with it; the school, practice, people, the world in general. Everything feels like too much and nothing at all at the same time and just being outside of his safe place feels like chocking on burning air.

Kuroo had made him a playlist for such days a couple of years ago after a pretty nasty panic attack in an effort to help, but other than that, he has respected Kenma’s need for time and space. He doesn’t try to coax and rush him out of it like it’s something simple, something easy to pull yourself out of a mindset so dark and fathomless the other wouldn’t even be able to conceive and understand. Kuroo doesn’t pretend to know how Kenma feels, never has in the entirety of their time knowing each other. He accepts he can’t.

So every time it happens, Kuroo trusts him to sort through his head for as long as he needs and waits for Kenma. He will bring him food from time to time and send him stupid videos of cute cats and make sure to get his homework from Kenma’s classmates, as if trying to assure Kenma that while he is trapped fighting his own mind, he doesn’t have to worry about anything else.

It’s a lifeline that made it easier to come back more than once. Knowing that even in his most desperate moments, when he is absolutely terrified of everything and most of all himself, at least Kuroo will be there, on the other side, makes it all just a bit more bearable.

He is lying on his bed, pressed up against the wall and wrapped up in his most cozy blanket. His chest hurts and his throat feels scratchy and his head is definitely about to explode and he doesn’t know for how long he’s been crying or even if he's stopped. But when the song changes and he recognizes it as one of Kuroo’s favorites, although he has been freezing for the last several hours, he suddenly doesn’t feel so cold anymore. 

It’s the last day of their training camp at Shinzen High.

Kuroo is positively _not_ staring at Kenma being roped into conversation by that overenergetic orange-head. He is so distracted by the rare sight if his childhood best friend talking so casually with someone else for more than ten minutes without seeming exhausted or skittish, that he doesn’t even register the other person’s presence until Yaku smacks the back of his head. He barely manages to hold his surprised yelp in and turns to him with an expression close to affronted that the shorter doesn’t even bat an eyelash to.

“You are extraordinarily whipped. If you were a cartoon they’d give you a heart for a head every time you looked at him. I’m honestly surprised he hasn’t caught on.”

“Yes, I am hopeless. I’m aware thanks.” He agrees. “I’m not sure whether he knows or not. Chances are he is at least suspicious. But Kenma has never been one to talk about feelings even if he is conscious of them.”

“True.”

“It’s complicated with us, you know? I wouldn’t call us friends, I believe we’re way past that by this point. But we never actually labeled our relationship as anything past that. Sometimes he’ll hold on to my jacket when we’re walking to the station and he’s playing, or I may kiss the side of his head when he says something funny, and we sleep on the same bed most nights of the week, but neither of us ever really felt the need to go beyond that. We’re still young and we’re happy with how things are right now. I think we’re both kind of scared to lose what we have. I can’t even imagine my life without him. Plus, he is just starting to work through his mental issues and I wouldn’t want to disrupt that and I’m also leaving this year and…there’s just a lot of stuff to consider.” he sighs.

Yaku pats him sympathetically on the back. “It’s okay captain. I’m sure it will all work out eventually.” Kuroo offers him a thankful smile and turns his attention back to the subject of their conversation. 

“It’s really nice to see him opening up a little, loosening up all those walls and allowing other people in. I just feel so proud for some reason, when they get to see how amazing he is. And it’s a relief to know he won’t be alone when I’m at uni next year. I’m glad he’ll have shrimpy and the team.” He confesses and Yaku can’t help but shake his head at the undeniably fond smile on Kuroo’s face.

_‘He’s hopeless alright.’_

If you told teenage Kozume Kenma he’d one day become popular, _famous_ even, he would snort in your face and reference you to his therapist for a thorough checkup.

He is not even sure how it happened really. He had made a YouTube channel for gaming, mostly for his own personal enjoyment and somewhere along the road the community had accepted him with open arms.

He reached 10k subscribers in mere months and it had only escalated from there. Now, at the ripe age of 23 and a bit longer than two and a half years after his first video, Kodzuken is one of the most well-known names in the genre, counting almost 14M.

He had been getting his degree in graphic design when he started up the channel and when it blew up it helped a lot to promote himself as an artist in addition to his gaming career. There were obvious advantages to his line of work and Kenma considered himself lucky to be able to actually do what he likes for a living.

Not everything about being idolized was good though, and that became especially apparent one night not all that different from the rest.

He and Kuroo moved together as soon as Kenma joined him in Tokyo for his own studies. Having grown in maturity and with significantly less complications and insecurities regarding their relationship, they wasted no time in finally admitting their feeling for one another and officially declaring their being together. Their friends had been thrilled to hear the news, though not surprised in the least.

After all those years, it was no odd occurrence for Kuroo to wake up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. Kenma has had insomnia for most of his life and sometimes even medication isn’t enough to beat that part of his brain that forces him awake.

Most of those nights Kenma will either stay on the bed, watching Kuroo sleep peacefully until he gets bored, or he busies himself with one of his consoles for long enough his eyes start to get droopy and he knows it’s time to rest.

He almost never went online during that time, not really up for setting all his equipment and such in that ungodly hour, but that day he felt even more awake than usual, so he decided to give it a go. That’s probably where it all went wrong.

About two hours in, the door to his studio opened and a drowsy Kuroo walked in, not taking notice of the live stream. Kenma himself was wearing headphones, so by the time he realized Kuroo was in the room, the older was already draping himself over his back and kissing his cheek speaking in an extremely soft tone.

“You alright, baby? Been gone for too long…” he muttered before nuzzling his face at the side of Kenma’s neck who didn’t even have time to save his game before he was shutting everything off to stop the feed. 

The thing is, Kenma wasn’t out to the public and he had never mentioned his relationship. He wasn’t ashamed of Kuroo or himself, but he was a private person and he didn’t think he owed anyone an explanation. He had the right to keep his personal information to himself.

Which is why he could only panic at the moment. Kuroo noticed quickly enough and felt himself snap out of his sleepy state at the worried look on his boyfriend’s face.

They sat down and talked about it, how to handle everything, what to say and what not, possible scenarios of the public’s reactions. Kuroo apologized multiple times for being the cause of the mess but Kenma only kissed him sweetly and dismissed the thought.

“It’s not anyone’s fault. We just had bad timing and shit happened. They were going to find out sooner or later anyway.” Kuroo still felt guilty for having forced Kenma out of his comfort zone but after the initial sock he was pretty composed and it subconsciously worked to calm him down as well.

Turns out, most of Kenma’s fans were quite loyal and took the development positively, congratulating them or saying what an adorable couple they were, or merely ignoring the issue because it didn’t really matter who he was dating when they were there for the content.

But, unfortunately there are always the ones who simply live to take satisfaction in hurting others. They were spreading nasty comments about them being disgusting or hating on Kuroo, telling him he didn’t deserve someone as successful as Kenma and that he was destroying his career, even though they didn’t know shit about him.

Kenma was never the confrontational type, too indifferent to get caught up in meaningless arguments with stupid people about even stupider topics. But this, this was something he couldn’t and wouldn’t let go. Kenma wouldn’t let them have that satisfaction of thinking what they say matters enough to hurt Kuroo, the person Kenma loves most in this world.

Kenma presses the button to start the live-stream with little to no hesitation. He waits for a few minutes until an adequate amount of people have joined, before he starts.

“Hello guys, I will not be filming a video today. This stream is to address a recent issue that has been bothering me. Most of you should know by now about me having a boyfriend. That is something that doesn’t and shouldn’t really concern you and though I appreciate a lot the encouragement and acceptance the majority has shown, I definitely do _not_ appreciate my boyfriend having hate comments and death threats sent to him. I am immensely grateful to have so many people following me, but I will not stand you insulting Kuroo. He has been my closest person and my support system since before you were even aware of my existence. Kuroo is one of the most important people in my life and most likely I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for him. If you have a problem with him, or with the fact that I am dating a guy, you don’t belong in this fandom. From now on we will be taking legal measures against anyone harassing us. I apologize to everyone not involved in this, but due to the current circumstances, I will be taking a week off to settle things and from next Monday I will be resuming with my usual schedule. Thank you all for watching this video and I hope no more issues will arise in the future. Goodbye everyone, have a nice day.”

After turning off the camera and falling back into his gaming chair, Kenma closes his eyes and counts backwards. The video was about one and a half minute long and Kuroo always has the notifications for his channel on, so any second now…

“KENMA!” Kenma still has his eyes closed when Kuroo bangs the door open, but he can’t fight the loving smile that sets on his lips.

He barely has any time to open them before Kuroo is picking him up and kissing him senseless. He automatically wraps his legs around Kuroo’s waist, moved one hand across his shoulders and the letting other curl into the unruly mess of black hair. He kisses back with the same fervor and they don’t stop until they’re both gasping for breath. Kuroo rests their foreheads together and tries to blink away the wetness in his eyes.

“Fuck, I love you so much kitten.” He whispers out awed and breathless. Kenma feels his heart go crazy in his chest with warmth and affection.

“Love you too.” He responds before diving back in for another kiss.

It’s shorter and sweeter and they’re both smiling into it, but it feels perfect all the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Kuroo :)


End file.
